As I approach a time of great change in my life, I’ve started to realise how ‘numb’ I’ve been these past few years. I’ve been so busy having and taking care of my babies and juggling a job (that I out grew years ago) I forgot to stop and really think. Think about what stirs me, what I feel a true passion for, what really interests me and what I want to do with the rest of my professional life?!! It goes without saying that I am fiercely passionate about my husband and kids, they indeed stir me and everything they do interests me but what about my career? What about me?
I am due to leave a job soon that I’ve had for what feels like forever. I joined the company back in 2001 a mere 3 months after my dream wedding. I was young, ambitious, bullish and sometimes unnecessarily aggressive but I was good. Bloody good. The job was a huge step for me and I took on the challenge with courage and determination. I think I actually made a difference and people listened when I spoke – my opinions mattered. So forward wind over eight years later and where am I now? I am still in the same job (albeit a smaller, part-time version) but I am not the same person, not by a long shot! I have lost most of my bullishness, I’m very rarely aggressive, and I’ve learned (the hard way) the art of less is more. In many ways, I am much nicer person to work with than I was. Having kids tamed me and my focus has been on them, not my career and it shows. My spark has gone, I have no enthusiasm left, I’ve been overlooked for younger and hungrier predecessors and you know what, I don’t actually care! I am looking forward to walking through the door and start something fresh.
I have no idea what I am going to do. I do know that I want to rediscover some of that young, driven young girl I once was. I want to feel fired up and ready for anything like I used to. I want to be a success. It matters. I didn’t think it did, but it does.
BUT…….above all that, I want to be a hands on, loving and most importantly ‘available’ mother to my beautiful girls. It’s taken a while but I’ve finally found peace with the idea that they and being their mother is what matters most and no career or job is ever worth compromising that for. Now listen, I don’t judge, each woman has to find her own path. Me personally, I am looking for a professional life that delivers for me on both levels and I am acutely aware that it won’t be easy. But I am determined, driven and passionate about making it happen. So maybe I’ve not changed that much after all?
