Summer holidays = mixed emotions

August is upon us already and life continues to whizz on by at a rate of knots.  I’ve had an interesting few months and as we enter the kids summer break I am a bundle of mixed feelings and emotions.

Last year, in the summer holidays, I got really depressed and upset at the idea that everyone else was at home with their kids and I was having to be at work, missing much of the special time I could be spending with my girls. I really let it get me down and felt really guilty and sometimes even despairing. Roll on a year later and I find myself in a similar, if not slightly more positive, place. This is the first full week of the girls summer holiday and I have to work throughout the month of August, 3 days each week. I have no choice. We need the money. I don’t have enough annual leave available. So Emma, deal with it.

There is a difference though from last year. This year I am trying really hard not to feel  morose and jealous that other Mum’s that I know are spending each day with their kids, enjoying fun times whilst I sit in a hot stuffy office feeling uninspired. I am instead attempting to focus on the two whole days I get to spend with the girls each week (more than most working Mum’s get) and making the most of those days. We will be cramming those days with fun, cuddles, laughs, friends and fun activities that they and I will remember fondly for years to come. In a few years time, they will be out playing on their own with their friends and probably not wanting to spend this time with me. I am acutely aware of that .

On that note......already some of Olivia’s friends are already allowed to play in their street and beyond. I can’t personally imagine feeling OK with this yet. She’s just turned 7!! Each parent has their own view and I don’t judge others.  I know it depends on many things.... where you live, how mature and streetwise your child is, how confident they are and I know we did it as kids all summer long. I know it’s so very important for kids to be outside, be free and enjoy their time away from gown ups.  But for me, the idea of not knowing what she’s doing and exactly where she is at any given time fills me with complete panic. Terror in fact. 

At what age is it a must that I let go and allow her some of this freedom? I hope that I will know when it feels right for me and for my child. I know I will have to trust myself and her to do the right thing at some point.  And with regard to Olivia, that time is coming soon. When the time does come though, what I cannot imagine is sitting at home explaining to Georgia that she can’t also go out with her, that she isn’t old enough. And when they are both eventually allowed out playing alone, I can’t imagine sitting at home, wondering what the hell to do with myself just waiting for them to come back in...I guess it will all work out when the time is right......