The life and loves of a modern day mother

2011....some things I’d like to record and remember

2012-01-09T13:51:00.000Z

Last year was a good year all being said. It has been a journey for me in many ways (as every year is) and I’ve learned some things, discovered some new things and grown as a person. My husband began another new stage in his career and we’ve had some incredible moments with the children making memories along the way. I did have some tough moments times in 2011 and a short period where I slipped back into some negative head space and old worries resurfaced for a while, robbing me of my usual spark and positive attitude. Unlike previous years though, I’ve tackled things, tried to move on and accept the things I can’t change. It is a work in progress but I’m getting there.

2011 ended well for me and my family and I wanted to record some of the highlights here (which I plan on doing every new year from now on) to make sure me and the family have something to remember it all through.

We’ve still got issues with sleep when it comes to my youngest Georgia (5). I look back at last year and we have come a long way but she remains gripped by bad dreams, fears and general nervousness at night time. We are sleeping more on the whole though and have decided not to over analyse it any more. It is what it is. It won’t last forever. Or at least I hope not. If I ever feel despairing I go back to read this post to get things into perspective. I’ve come a long way baby and it’s not so bad.

Career wise I am still not where I want to be and my quest for work life balance continues. Bottom line is, working motherhood is really hard work. I doubt it will ever be anything other than that. So I’ve tried not to complain so much this year and we’ve arranged childcare to ensure there is a little less pressure on me than in previous years. Couple that with the girls getting older and it is about as good as I think it will ever get and for that I am grateful and more aware of how much harder some others have it. If I do have a particularly bad day, I read thispost from a blogger I love and whose posts often relate so closely to my own experiences and remind me that my trials and tribulations are by no means unique.

One of the best things about last year, and every year since 2004 really, is the pure joy I get from being a Mum. This year I’ve watched the girls grow closer, play together better, laugh together more and generally develop their bond further. I love watching them dance, perform and go off into a make believe world together. The build up to Christmas recently and their combined excitement and wonder over the festive season was amazing to watch brought me so much happiness. They are becoming best friends (most of the time) and that is something that makes me very proud.

In spring last year we managed to get away to Cornwall on a summer holiday, just the four of us, and we had a lovely time experiencing new things and enjoying some down time together. When the kids were asleep, hubby and I enjoyed some quality time alone, with cuddles on the sofa, nice meals and it was fabulous.

Then in June we celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary and escaped for the night to a lovely little bolthole and enjoyed some delicious food and some well deserved alone time to reflect on the previous ten years of marriage together.

Finally, in Autumn I even managed a weekend escape with some lovely girl friends and had lots of laughs, wine, uninterrupted sleep, hot tub relaxation and well earned ‘me time’. It was self indulgent and fantastic and I have now decided that all parents need and deserve a break now and again. This year I discovered that it is ok to be ‘me’ for a weekend and take time away from my parenting role. It doesn’t mean you are selfish or a bad mother.

2012 lies ahead and who knows what it will bring? I quite like not knowing what’s in store but this year I’m hoping for a year of stability and tranquillity and I also intend to once and for all deal with my weight. Here’s to a happy and healthy year ahead.

Looking back and moving forwards......

2011-11-01T13:51:00.001Z

So here we are at the beginning of November already and I cannot believe how fast this year has passed. People say that time flies more quickly as we get older and I certainly feel that this year more than ever. It feels like only last week it was summer and we were enjoying holidays at the beach, birthdays and many a BBQ gathering with friends. I blink and suddenly its all about Christmas already!!

I have realised that I am someone who likes to look back a lot. Mostly with fond memories. I wish I was someone who always focuses on what's ahead, what's happening next but I can't help it, I do spend quite a bit of my time reminiscing about old times, especially in relation to my kids, my weight and our financial state. Does everyone do this? Or is it just me?

Life is good right now. It's been a pretty calm, drama free year for Roland career wise (which is a rare thing believe me) and the kids are growing and developing at a crazy pace. Olivia is doing so well at school and has settled into juniors really well. She's a happy little thing. And me, well I'm feeling calm and and finding some inner peace with regards to juggling work & motherhood (still a work in progress).

This year has been about some pretty big milestones also, the main one being Georgia starting school for the first time. I cannot fathom it and we are half a term in. She has taken to school really well and loved going in every day until half term..... then last night when I tucked her into bed, she told me she 'hates school as it's boring and she prefers weekends at home, they are much more fun' bless. Little does she know.... this is life my dear. The novelty appears to have worn off a little. Luckily she seemed happy enough to go into class this morning so hopefully, that half term blip will pass soon enough. She's a clever, perceptive little thing my Georgia. She said something to me this morning, when I was hassling her to hurry up as we had to do her hair for school...."Mummy, I wish time went slower so I had time to do what I want instead of rushing".........blimey, at only (almost) five years old she is experiencing my life long challenge already. Not good.

So I am going to work on a few things between now and Christmas:-

1. Slow down, enjoy the moment and do not rush the kids so much.
2. Loose all the weight I've gained this year.
3. Get fitter and keep up with the exercise.
4. Spend more time alone with my hubby and reinstate 'date night'.

I will check back in to report on progress...........................................

Summer holidays = mixed emotions

2011-08-02T13:32:00.002Z

August is upon us already and life continues to whizz on by at a rate of knots. I’ve had an interesting few months and as we enter the kids summer break I am a bundle of mixed feelings and emotions.

Last year, in the summer holidays, I got really depressed and upset at the idea that everyone else was at home with their kids and I was having to be at work, missing much of the special time I could be spending with my girls. I really let it get me down and felt really guilty and sometimes even despairing. Roll on a year later and I find myself in a similar, if not slightly more positive, place. This is the first full week of the girls summer holiday and I have to work throughout the month of August, 3 days each week. I have no choice. We need the money. I don’t have enough annual leave available. So Emma, deal with it.

There is a difference though from last year. This year I am trying really hard not to feel morose and jealous that other Mum’s that I know are spending each day with their kids, enjoying fun times whilst I sit in a hot stuffy office feeling uninspired. I am instead attempting to focus on the two whole days I get to spend with the girls each week (more than most working Mum’s get) and making the most of those days. We will be cramming those days with fun, cuddles, laughs, friends and fun activities that they and I will remember fondly for years to come. In a few years time, they will be out playing on their own with their friends and probably not wanting to spend this time with me. I am acutely aware of that .

On that note......already some of Olivia’s friends are already allowed to play in their street and beyond. I can’t personally imagine feeling OK with this yet. She’s just turned 7!! Each parent has their own view and I don’t judge others. I know it depends on many things.... where you live, how mature and streetwise your child is, how confident they are and I know we did it as kids all summer long. I know it’s so very important for kids to be outside, be free and enjoy their time away from gown ups. But for me, the idea of not knowing what she’s doing and exactly where she is at any given time fills me with complete panic. Terror in fact.

At what age is it a must that I let go and allow her some of this freedom? I hope that I will know when it feels right for me and for my child. I know I will have to trust myself and her to do the right thing at some point. And with regard to Olivia, that time is coming soon. When the time does come though, what I cannot imagine is sitting at home explaining to Georgia that she can’t also go out with her, that she isn’t old enough. And when they are both eventually allowed out playing alone, I can’t imagine sitting at home, wondering what the hell to do with myself just waiting for them to come back in...I guess it will all work out when the time is right......

Change is inevitible........

2011-06-23T14:24:00.001Z

It's been a whole six months since I last posted something on my blog. I'm not someone who feels the urge to blog too often, just when the inspiration takes me. So what's been happening since my last post?

Life has been manic as ever in our household and lots of change. We had a wonderful Christmas break and then all went back to work/school/pre-school in January with heavy hearts and fuller bellies. The girls have grown so much so far this year, both emoitionally and physically. We all enjoyed a wonderful holiday together in Cornwall recently (our first for three years) and we had such a fantastic time.

So the kids.....
Olivia is so tall with long legs (she doesn't get that from me unfortunately), skinny, eats like a horse and is as beautiful and kind natured as ever. She recently turned seven and I've really noticed some subtle changes in recent weeks. She is very emotional (always has been) but seems almost hormonal at the moment (surely she's too young?!) but when she is not having a 'moment' she is just lovely. She and I have a solid and very positive relationship and I often wish we could spend more time together, just the two of us. She's wise for her age, but also very young for her age too. She's my little pal and I love her to bits.

Georgia has also changed dramatically in the last few months. She's a completely different animal to Olivia in many ways. She is right on the cusp on going to 'big school' and is a little but contradictory. On the one hand, she is very much still the baby of the family and prone to toddler tantrums and outbursts of naughty behavoiur and then on the flip side, she's getting very mature and clever and really behaving like a proper big girl too. We've come a long way her and I, we are very similar in nature and both hate to be told no or to loose an argument. It can lead to intense arguments and stalemate at times but we also adore each other and have a very loving and close relationship. She is such a 'Mummy's girl' still and I secretly like that, because I'll blink and she will be a teenager who find me embarrasing and over bearing!!!

As for me.....
Well I've come a long way too these past few months. I've had a hard time juggling work and motherhood (nothing new there) and have, for now at least, found a balance that works for me and the girls most of the time. I'm sure that when Georgia starts school it will bring new pressures and challenges and we will all have to adapt to that change. But right now, I feel pretty good. I drink too much wine (I know, I know) and need to shift some weight (as usual) so I am a work in progress. But I have started excercsing for the first time in years, I've stated to chill out and only focus on positive relationships in my life. I really do feel a bit like the 'old Emma' before we had the kids and like I always have, I really love having a good time with my pals.

An hubby....
Well he's a changed man. This time last year he was depressed, fed up with his job and almost felt like his career was over. I think he felt consigned to the suburbs and an 'average' job in an 'average company' and thought this was as good as it was going to get. He was a man who had been very successful in his career and always always wanted to be anything but 'average'. Then after Christmas something happened, his confidence returned along with his ambition and he went out and went for it, getting a new job back in the rat race. Now many friends (and I at times) worry that he's going to get burnt again out there with the big boys but what a difference it has made to him personally. He has his head held high, shoulders back and is the Roland I remember before all the bad luck and misfortune of the last few years. I really, truly hope this time, it works out for him and us. God knows he deserves it.

I'll be back in a few months with an update, until then.................

Coming to the end of another year........

2010-12-01T12:51:00.000Z

As we approach Christmas and I begin to reflect on the past year, it's interesting to me to think about the ups and downs of life in 2010. I think this past year has flown by quicker than ever before for me...so much has happened, lots of changes, lots of laughs and a few tears all thrown in.

Our lives, much like everyone we know, are very full and very busy. The kids continue to thrive and amaze me. Both girls have changed a great deal this year. Olivia has matured so much and is getting taller and more beautiful every day. She's doing well at school, she's loves life and most of all she is just a happy and carefree girl. I am so proud of her and hope and pray that she remains this way going into next year. In my view, kids should be carefree, have no concerns and just enjoy themselves each and every day. There is plenty of time to worry and stress and no doubt, if she's anything like me, she'll do her fair share of both in life. For now, I love that she's so innocent still, so joyous about the little things and so unaware of the tougher side of life. All she knows at the moment is love, fun and contentment. As she enters her seventh year I know that the days of innocence are numbered. But trust me, I intend to shield her from sadness, fear and worry for as long as I possibly can (God willing). If that means wrapping her in a bit of cotton wool then I will. Children need to be just that, children. I for one am in no rush for her to grow up too soon and too fast despite the pressures of today's society.

Georgia has had a lovely year. She's been much less poorly than in her earlier years and continues to be my little girl with the beaming smile that is just so infectious. She is a complex character, much more so than Olivia. Georgia has a sunny disposition but also a steely and sometimes difficult determination which is unrivaled (with the exception of possibly moi). She turns four soon and I just cannot believe my little baby is growing up and starting school next year. I think I've treated Georgia with kids gloves because she is my little one, my baby but I do think next year I need to encourage her independence more. She adores her family and can be very bossy and in control at home, but speaking to her teachers, it seems she has a sensitivity and shyness outside of the home that we weren't so aware of. Georgia is without doubt the baby of our family and we all love her and her special little ways so much. Next year she will change into a proper big girl and has so many new adventures ahead of her. But as I tell her all the time "no matter how big you grow, you will always by my baby".

My lovely hubby has continued to be my rock this year and I truly would be lost without him. We've been married ten years (10 whole years!!) next year which I can hardly fathom. If I think back to when I married him, I would have said I loved him for his positive outlook, his wise and steady guidance, his true zest for life and new experiences. An I felt then that he loved me, warts and all, completely and was really and honestly the only person to ever really 'get' me 100%. All of things remain true for me. Roland is a special person that is very rare. He has respect, moral grounding and is someone who is never, ever disliked. Roland pushes me to try new things, supports me no matter what, makes me laugh every day (well almost) and I am truly amazed that he's still the same man I married, only better. And on top of that, he's a an incredible father.

So as I look forward to Christmas and New Year I feel blessed. It's been a testing year at times and I've found some of it very hard. Work is tough and I've had a few challenges. But on balance, I can't complain really. Each year I grow wiser and feel blessed to have some wonderful friends and a healthy and happy family. I have a pretty nice life :0)

You don't know what you've got til it's gone

2010-10-21T13:58:00.001Z

My youngest daughter Georgia (almost 4) is still at home with me on the two days each week I'm lucky enough to not work and I really enjoy and relish the time we spend together.

Now, I have to be honest, Georgia is a proper little madam (in the nicest possible way) and is often loud, demanding, needy and is actually pretty dominating within our house on weekday evenings (especially when fuelled by tiredness from being at pre-school for such long days). Friends, family and carers tell me all the time how determined and outgoing she can be and I sometimes worry that maybe she's 'too much' for people on occasion, maybe even a bit of a brat (shhhh, I know I shouldn't say that)!

Oh how I wish people could see my baby on our days off together, it really is such a contrast. We almost always spend the day in complete harmony, enjoying lots of kisses, cuddles and giggles together. We rarely fall out, she is usually quiet and just gets on with entertaining herself whilst I catch up on chores. She is in fact delightful!! As I said, I wish her Daddy and other friends and family had the chance to see this side of her more.

I'm still working her out of course but I think Georgia finds it hard to be heard in our home (or in a crowded room) and she tries very hard to step out of the shadow of her beautiful and clever (her words) big sister Olivia (age 6). She is desparate to be just like the big sister she idolises so much and I think that's why at times, she feels she needs to create drama just to make sure we notice her too!!

Today, I was sitting alone in a coffee shop waiting for Georgia to finish her toddler gym class and I was observing a group of women and their very young children and it got me thinking about the past. Days when I had Olivia home too and Georgia was so small. Although I found the baby years with Georgia unimaginably tough, I fondly remember my beautiful little girls and how much I loved spending time with them both on my days off. I feel sad when I think about how much they've grown and how much I miss Olivia when she's at school.

This time next year Georgia will also be at school and those days off of mine will never ever be the same again. Yes I will have 'me time' that I crave so much. Yes my house will be cleaner. Yes I'll be able to get to the gym and meet my mates for lunch (child free). But.......boy will I miss spending time with my demanding, loud and challenging little diva!!! Between now and then, I intend to make the most of every day off I have with her because I for one know only too well, you don't know what you've got til it's gone.

Juggling act

2010-08-19T15:21:00.000Z

At the moment, I seem to be constantly fighting a battle against time. When at work the time seems to pass too quickly and I can never catch up and get 'one step ahead' so to speak. I feel like I am always playing catch up. I work part-time in a managerial position and I am acutely aware that many of my colleagues, friends and most other people who work full time think that 'part timers' have it easy. Let me tell you it's not always as simple as it seems.

Before I get to work I've already dealt with two kids, got them dressed, fed and rushed them out the door (OK with help from darling hubby) and so feel like I've already done a mornings work before I get to my desk. Often I haven't had anything to eat or drink before I reach my desk two and a half hours after waking up.

Once at said desk I have to deal with several days worth of emails and messages and try and get my brain back into work mode having not been at work since the previous Wednesday. So without fail, I start my week playing catch up on what's happened since I was last in and never, ever seem to get on top of my workload. By Wednesday, without fail, I end up frantically trying to cover all the bases trying ensure everything happens smoothly when I'm on my days off - much the same as when when full time people are at work preparing to go on holiday. Stress stress stress!

All of the above is underlined with a constant internal battle I have with myself to control the intense guilt of leaving my youngest child with the nursery for such long days and the feeling that she's too young, I'm missing too much and it's not how it should be. And it's underlined with a deep sadness that I feel at not being there to meet my eldest child from school every day when she comes out. I miss her terribly on the days I work. It's hard, it's frustrating. It's upsetting. It's an impossible balance to find right now.

I'm not writing this post to gain sympathy, truthfully. Everyone has a choice and I appreciate that I made my own choices and therefore this way of life is my own making. I ask myself all the time, what if I had a magic wand? What would the answer be? And you know what, I haven't got a bloody clue!!!!

So for now at least, I continue to try and maintain this delicate balance and accept that at times, it will tip over one way or another. I can't be wonder woman, I can't be perfect at it all (although I try hard to be). All I can do is my best to make it work and when I'm not sure what's best.......improvise.

Someone once said women can have it all. She was a bloody liar!

Moving on.....

2010-07-21T22:18:00.000Z

Long time since I posted something here. To be honest, I don't often have the urge to share my life and views with the world and I find it hard to understand what little old me could contribute that would be of any interest to anyone else.

Life has been moving along at record pace since my last post and things with me and the lovely family are good. After what can only be described as a horrific few months last year, hubby has settled into his new job and is starting to prove himself and demonstrate (what I always knew) his innate ability ro relate to people around him and bring out the best in his colleagues.He is quite a man and I am very lucky to have him.

I'm back on the career ladder working hard and wondering why I'm doing it?! I mean what's the purpose? I truly don't know. I have concluded that I am a career whore and do it purely for the money. If I could do something else, less stressful and more rewarding I would, but right now, we need the cash, Simple as that.

My girls are growing and developing into amazing little ladies. Olivia well.....she's just remarkable to me. She's astute, funny, confident, willing to try and I am completely and utterly knocked out by her every day. She makes me so proud. My love for her amazes me daily and her profound love for her little sister is so endearing. Adoration is mutual btw and I love that they have such a unique and special bond.

Georgia.....she's just something else. She gives me headaches and creates stress in my life and she is truly a demanding and challenging little diva. Having said all that, she's just incredible to watch and she is a huge personality who seems to seduce anyone who meets her. Special, hilarious, clever and captivating is my little Georgia. I cannot put into words how much I love her. Our bond is changing all the time and she is becoming such a grown up and forthright little girl. I often wonder why she is able to push my buttons so easily and then I speak to my family and they tell me how much like her mother she is. Answer is right there.

Life is good, life is hard, life is never dull. I am grateful though for my little family and I know, above all else, that we are all lucky to have one another. As long as we have that, we need nothing more.

Mothering Sunday

2010-03-12T12:55:00.007Z

I've blogged many times before about my feelings and thoughts about motherhood. Suffice it to say, my own experience as a mother (so far) has been a rollercoaster filled woth joy, anxiety, tears, exhaustion, laughter and above all unadulterated happiness.

I am blessed to still have my own mum. Not everyone is so lucky. We've had our ups and downs but she is there, like a port in a storm, whenever I need an ear to bend, a shoulder to cry on and most importantly she reminds me who I truly am and where I came from withouth having to say a single word. Like every mum should be, she is my rock and I'd feel very lost without her.

The relationship I am building with my girls is unique and an ever changing one. I feel very strongly that it is my job to be tough when required, really listen when they speak and be there, with open arms at the beginning and end of each day. The feelings I have for my beautiful girls cannot be put into appropriate words. My love for them is intense, consuming, overwhelming and completely pure. Simply put, without them I am nothing.

So if you are lucky enough to be with your mum on Sunday give her a cuddle. If she is far away give then give her a call and send a hug across the skies. If your mum has sadly left this earth, close your eyes and dream about her. I'll leave you with some nice quotes which capture it far better than I ever could:-

'The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks'. Carrie Latet

'Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's secret hope outlives them all'. Oliver Wendell Holmes

'A mother's happiness is like a beacon, lighting up the future but reflected also on the past in the guise of fond memories'. Honoré de Balzac

We've come a long way baby!

2010-02-18T17:15:00.000Z

We are currently coming to the end of Feb half term and the kids and I have managed to spend some quality time together (despite me working a couple of days) and do some of the things we used to do a lot more often like making cakes, painting, playdough etc. Since Olivia started school back in 2008 doing these things as a threesome is usually saved for weekends. We do make an effort to cram stuff in, but it's not quite the same.

I am writing this whilst sitting in the lounge while the girls are in the other room, playing really well together. I am listening to them work together, share and basically get along famously and it really makes me realise how far we've come!! This time last year, during half term, I recall tearing my hair out trying to keep harmony between the kids. Everything was hard work and I couldn't relate to other Mum's who talked about how much they loved half term with the kids etc etc. At that time, I could never imagine actually finding that time relaxing and enjoyable (and I felt very guilty thinking like that).

My girls are noisy, extrovert, physical and can be very demanding. Both Ro and I struggle at times to deal with the incessant noise they make and wish they had a mute and slow motion button (especially on Sat mornings!). Having said all that, they are amazing to watch and I love their energy, enthusiasm and zest for new experiences. I wouldn't change a thing.

So I sit here pondering how far the three of us have come and I feel very content and proud. I have actually enjoyed every minute of my time with them in the last few days. I miss when the three of us spent so much time together and feel sad that I didn't enjoy it more when I had the chance!

'Make the most of every moment' is such a true saying and I for one will be trying a bit harder to do so from now on because you blink and bam, another year has gone by!!!!

The life journey......

2010-02-10T10:45:00.000Z

I was watching an amazing documentary on tv last night called 'One born every minute' and it was an incredible piece of television. It was basically a fly on the wall programme charting the intimate and sometimes incredibly scary process of childbirth seen from the perspective of both the midwives and the expectant parents.

OK so there have been numerous programmes like this over the years (I should know, I obsessively watched them back to back whilst on maternity leave as a first time expectant Mum when I was pregnant with Olivia). But this one was different. I felt almost voyeristic watching these people go through the most amazing experience of their lives. But what it did do was bring the memory of both my girls births sharply into focus again - I was almost there in that hospital doing it all over again!!

Having a baby and giving birth (in whatever way it has to happen) is such a mind blowing and life changing experience. I remember my feelings upon meeting my girls for the first time like it was yesterday (am getting goosebumps at the memory).

Lately I have been watching my girls grow so big and clever and independent and feel a real physical pang of heartache that they are growing too quickly and too soon. I want to sometimes scream at the world to stop so I can keep them as they are now forever.

I know that they have to grow and I love picturing them as wonderful, confident and happy women. For now, I will spend my entire life helping, nurturing, directing (when needed), encouraging, coaching, believing and most of all loving to help make their journey into adulthood as happy and seamless as I possibly can.

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all..........

2010-01-13T09:51:00.003Z

Sorry it's been so long since I posted here. I've just not been inspired to share much recently. And I'm not sure why?

I read other blogs regularly and I them find intriguing, interesting and amusing. I feel that unless I have something interesting to share, what's the point?

Since I left my job at the end of October my life has been wonderfully uncomplicated. My house has been decluttered, my mind has been rested and I have been a really hands on mum who has enjoyed cooking more freshly prepared meals , taking time to do homework and generally have taken some a breathe and really relish the time I have with the girls.

Whilst all this has been a lovely treat for me (having worked consistently since having kids) I do find that as a result I have less interesting conversation to contribute and have found myself so much less well read, uninformed and I find myself with very few opinions to share with the world on topical issues. This stuff I do miss and I think that when I am working, I am a different person who is more worldly and interested and exposed to what's going on in the bigger picture.

I have been in my mummy bubble now for a couple of months and have a new job to return to shortly. I have mixed feelings about it to be honest. I am looking forward to using my brain properly again and mixing with other professionals however, if I am honest, I've quite liked my time alone and with the kids and am loathed to give that up.

In summary, I want the best of both worlds and I don't think that is possible really. So for now, I've decided to throw myself back into work and give it a try. I want my kids to be blissfully unaware of the change though and I have managed to keep their routine in tact somehow and juggle my hours around it.

Now I have something to compare i.e. working vs no working, I hope to be better placed to decide whether a career is still what I want?! If I conclude not, who knows?? Watch this space........

What now?

2009-10-14T12:37:00.002Z

As I approach a time of great change in my life, I’ve started to realise how ‘numb’ I’ve been these past few years. I’ve been so busy having and taking care of my babies and juggling a job (that I out grew years ago) I forgot to stop and really think. Think about what stirs me, what I feel a true passion for, what really interests me and what I want to do with the rest of my professional life?!! It goes without saying that I am fiercely passionate about my husband and kids, they indeed stir me and everything they do interests me but what about my career? What about me?

I am due to leave a job soon that I’ve had for what feels like forever. I joined the company back in 2001 a mere 3 months after my dream wedding. I was young, ambitious, bullish and sometimes unnecessarily aggressive but I was good. Bloody good. The job was a huge step for me and I took on the challenge with courage and determination. I think I actually made a difference and people listened when I spoke – my opinions mattered. So forward wind over eight years later and where am I now? I am still in the same job (albeit a smaller, part-time version) but I am not the same person, not by a long shot! I have lost most of my bullishness, I’m very rarely aggressive, and I’ve learned (the hard way) the art of less is more. In many ways, I am much nicer person to work with than I was. Having kids tamed me and my focus has been on them, not my career and it shows. My spark has gone, I have no enthusiasm left, I’ve been overlooked for younger and hungrier predecessors and you know what, I don’t actually care! I am looking forward to walking through the door and start something fresh.

I have no idea what I am going to do. I do know that I want to rediscover some of that young, driven young girl I once was. I want to feel fired up and ready for anything like I used to. I want to be a success. It matters. I didn’t think it did, but it does.

BUT…….above all that, I want to be a hands on, loving and most importantly ‘available’ mother to my beautiful girls. It’s taken a while but I’ve finally found peace with the idea that they and being their mother is what matters most and no career or job is ever worth compromising that for. Now listen, I don’t judge, each woman has to find her own path. Me personally, I am looking for a professional life that delivers for me on both levels and I am acutely aware that it won’t be easy. But I am determined, driven and passionate about making it happen. So maybe I’ve not changed that much after all?

The dreaded 'nits'

2009-09-23T20:53:00.000Z

OK so I've had better days!! Woke up this morning, Olivia climbs into bed (it's still dark) and I pretend to still be asleep and then I hear it, scratch scratch scratch.......she's furiously itching her head and I have a sinking feeling deep inside, she's caught the bloody headlice arghhhhhhhh!! We had a letter last week from school warning parents that headlice have been reported in her class and I put the thought aside however, now it has become apparent that my own child, the one who is clean, well brought up and from a lovely clean home has caught nits!!!! So I put the light on, start checking and there it bloody well is, the mosquito sized, living and moving nit!!! Gross.

So, an unexpected day off was the result, a rush trip to the chemist to get the treatment (£11 - WHAT?!!) and a morning of hair washing, combing and drying,

All done now, Georgia has also been treated and life returns to normal.

Life as a Mum eh, never ever dull :0)

Friendship

2009-09-14T12:35:00.002Z

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship lately. I’m not sure if it’s the change in season or just me growing older and wiser with each passing month? I am blessed to have a fantastic group of friends and they each enrich my life in their own unique way. I hope to that I give them something valuable and meaningful in return. Some friends I’ve had for years and years others have come along much later in my life.

I’ve come to realise that to be a good and true friend is something you have to really work on. You have to be willing to give your own energy and time to nurturing a friendship and it has to be a reciprocal thing. A recent quote I read captures is much better than I ever could:-

‘Friendship is a form of mutual selflessness, an intricate and delicate exercise in give-and-take and trust-building through which people who are not related become honorary family’.

I’ve been very lucky in my life and made some amazing connections to some amazing people. Some friendships have stood the test of time, others have wavered or drifted away and others are in their infancy and require a more time and effort to truly evolve.

Being a busy Mum and wife can result in an insanely busy and frantic life at times. My children and husband quite rightly get the lion’s share of my emotional time and energy and there is sometimes not much left to give to anyone else. But, I’ve made a conscious choice to focus on those special people who make my life a more fun, happy and fulfilling one!! A good friend remembers the little things, is always available to listen, offers help without being asked, is there to laugh and cry with and give of themselves without expectation of something in return. I wish I could say I always tick these boxes but I know that I have room for improvement.

I’m not always the best at letting my friends know how much they mean to me but I love you all and my life would be so much less without you in it!!! I’ll leave you with this thought:-

‘Friendship without self interest is one of the rare and beautiful things in life’

- James Francis Byrnes

Photo used courtesy of Thomas Hawk under a creative commons license.

Things I'm loving at the moment......

2009-09-08T12:11:00.001Z

1. Peter Andre ( I want to give him a cuddle)
2. Crisp sunny mornings
3. King prawns with chilli & spicy salt
4. Weeds on DVD (better late than never)
5. Entourage on ITV2

6. Quality cookery programmes
7. Fresh sea air
8. Jack Penate
9. Watching my kids play nicely together at last!
10. Dreaming of where to go for a weekend break with hubby

Live for the moment

2009-09-07T22:25:00.006Z

We've had a pretty busy time of late in the Harvey household, hence the lack of blog updates. I had the last week or so of the summer holidays off work and managed to enjoy some quality time out and about with the girls. Actually, weather and tiredness meant we ended up spending a fair amount of time together at home and it was really lovely (if not a little bit challenging at times!!). We did loads of painting, baking, reading, role playing and watched movies together and it was really special!

Olivia is now back at school in year 1 and seems to grow up more and more each day. She's starting to show some real emotional maturity and is just a happy, bubbly little girl with a zest for life and new experiences!! I'll miss her when she's not around on my days off.

Georgia too has reached a milestone and started pre-school this week. Again, I am so proud of how adaptable she is and how confident and outgoing she appears to be. For such a small girl, she has a big personality and has already captivated the staff and other little kids at her pre-school with her winning smile, readiness to try new things and her sunny disposition.

Roland too has begun a new chapter with his new job. I am so pleased to see him regain his drive, his confidence and his positive attitude in the last couple of weeks. I really hope this is one that will last and enable him to really shine and show people what he's truly capable of!!

As for me, I am the only one in need of something new and interesting to get my juices going. I am in a transitional phase career wise and hope a new chapter may also be on the cards for me. I am for now though planning on enjoying the normality of family life again (after all we've been through lately some good old fashioned ground hog days are actually quite nice) and taking each day as it comes.

I believe life is for living in the moment and I for one don't spend too much time looking ahead and worrying about what is to come. Enjoy today and the rest will take care of itself.

Pottygate update

2009-08-26T12:54:00.006Z

I thought I’d just update you on our progress with the potty training! I read my post from a week or so ago and can’t believe I nearly gave up on Georgia!! We have really turned the corner and mostly cracked it now which is a great feeling. It was a very tough start but we kept going, changed our approach and hey presto – she got it!!! This book was a great help too (they do a version for boys) and I’d recommend it to anyone entering the dark world of potty training!

Things happen for a reason

2009-08-26T12:49:00.002Z

There are lots of changes taking place in our lives at the moment. After nearly nine months of being out of work, Roland has now started his new job and things are beginning to feel like they are getting back to normal. Whilst this means that my own life is a little more stressful and busy as a result (I now have full responsibility for getting the kids out to school/pre-school in the morning before I go to work and then collecting them at the end of the day (when we’re all tired and grouchy) I am still very excited to have some routine and normality back in our lives.

We’ve been through the mill a bit in recent months and have had some tough times. We’re both feeling positive and happy about the future now and looking forward to the autumn beginning and all that brings.

As I said in a previous post ‘Life is like a box of chocolates and you never know which one you’re gonna get’. Right now, I feel grateful for my family life, happier than I have in a while and am full of enthusiasm for the future!! Things change, shit happens, life goes on……………………………….my new motto is ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ which I have been guilty of doing far too much of.

Tough times give you a new perspective on things and things happen for a reason. I know who and what’s important and will focus on being there for the people that matter and most importantly, remember to enjoy life as you never know what’s round the corner!!!

Hey world

2009-08-19T19:11:00.002Z

Just trying out my new lifestreaming site on posterous.

Posted via email from Emma's posterous

The long and messy road......

2009-08-17T10:07:00.001Z

Having had two kids in the last five years I like to think of myself as an experienced mother by now. I’ve been through all those ‘firsts’ twice such as first smile, first solid food, first steps, first words etc etc. So when I decided to start potty training my youngest girl, Georgia (age 2.5yrs) I assumed that it would be easier than the first time and we’d nail it in no time at all. Indeed the first indications were fantastic; on her first day she was brilliant and used the toilet and potty most of the day!! However, what I am realising with each wee and poo filled day is that when it comes to little people of the toddler variety, there are no hard and fast rules and one should never, ever underestimate the power of their determination!! Georgia has so far made a conscious decision not to use the potty. We are slowing realising that no amount of bribery, encouragement or gentle persuasion will force her to do it. She has the physical ability to do it and can hold on for hours. It has become painfully apparent to me that until she decides she wants to use the potty, we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. We either quit altogether and try again in a few weeks (which goes against my nature) or accept the stress and mess and hope that it clicks into place at some point? So, what to do????

I feel once again like that new mother who is just trying to find a way forward using intuition and searching google for answers in equal measure. I plan on asking all my mummy friends for advice and no doubt they will all have a different take on this which is based on their own joyful experiences of the potty training conundrum. One thing is for certain though, no one child can be compared to another on this subject and they will each do it in their own way, in their own time.

No doubt I’ll read this post in a few months time and smile to myself at the memories. I will probably be dishing out advice to friends going through it conveniently forgetting how bloody hard it all was. Wish me luck on this journey, I fear it is a long and bumpy (not to mention messy) road to travel before we get there!!!

Onwards and upwards

2009-08-07T08:06:00.003Z

So at last my lovely hubby has secured himself a new job after nearly nine months of searching. It has been a very tough and challenging time for both of us and I am so pleased that the search is over. We've pulled together (mostly) and ridden the storm with courage and determination. Both of us have had times in the last months where we nearly gave up, felt like the world was against us and that it was never going to come good. But with some patience, laughter and perseverance we've come through it.

Some major decisions have been made too such as selling our much loved home. We've searched out souls and come to the conclusion together that it is just not worth the stress and worry to have a big, impressive home!! So on we go to a rented place for now and do you know what? I feel really excited about the possibilities that lie ahead for us all. I think this will be the turning point for the harvey clan - with love and happiness at the heart of our family, we can tackle anything!!!!!

See you on the other side!

Check this out!

2009-07-08T15:10:00.002Z

My lovely hubby has a blog too (geek alert in places):

http://rolymo.squarespace.com/

Also here are a couple of other blogs/websites that I enjoy:

http://www.happinessisourhome.blogspot.com

http://www.ted.com/

http://www.clarkeology.com/blog/

Open your mind

2009-07-08T12:48:00.001Z

The world is a funny old place. I love watching and learning from everything around me. As I am largely not mentally stimulated in my professional life at the moment I have decided to broaden my personal knowledge. I am keen to learn more about topics and issues I am not very knowledgeable about.

So this month, I am going to look into the world of parenting and look at alternatives to my own approach. I am someone who has very strong views and opinions on these types of subject but where does that viewpoint really come from? Is it childhood and what my own parents taught me? Is it the media (of which I am an addict) or is it my own intuition (which cannot be underestimated). Don’t get me wrong, I am quite happy with my approach and hope that we are doing a pretty good job as it is. I just think I would be a more rounded parent (and dinner party guest) though if I better understood the alternatives out there.

What else is on my mind this month? Lots and lots but for starters…..my future career, conveyancing, the fragility of life, great music, the summer holidays, Michael Jackson, weight loss and nice food!!

See you next month!

Life is like a box of chocolates...

2009-06-30T13:20:00.001Z

We are going through an interesting time at the moment and are in somewhat of a transitional phase in our lives. We are selling up and moving on after much soul searching and it brings with it mixed emotions. Although we worked very hard to achieve our fantastic home (and were very proud to be able to buy it a couple of years ago) we have had a harsh lesson in the unpredictable world of home owning and have accepted now that we bit off more than we could chew. That is a hard pill to swallow in some ways. We both have always been ‘doers’ and have achieved a great deal in our lives, both professionally and in terms of material things. Most importantly, I think we have been most successful with regard to creating and building a loving family environment to bring our lovely girls up in.

We have enjoyed some lovely experiences in this house and have hosted many family and friend gatherings. We will take those memories with us and make new ones too in our new home.

So whilst we have a long road ahead of us and probably a few bumps to get over in the coming months, as long as we remain focused on what is best for our family and stay true to ourselves, I do believe we’ll be ok. Everything happens for a reason (or so they say) and I for one think that the experience will only strengthen our determination to succeed and above all, will keep us all on the path to stress free lives and happiness. Money can’t buy that……….

This month I am.......

2009-06-01T12:19:00.001Z

This month I am thinking………..

About how I can’t wrap my head around the fact that my beautiful Olivia turns five in a couple of weeks!! From the day I found out we were expecting her, Olivia quite simply changed my life forever. Throughout a very difficult and stressful pregnancy I developed a special bond with my baby girl which has continued to grow and develop with every day we have spent together ever since. Olivia is a smart, kind, funny, confident, clever and creative little girl who is blessed with both beauty and brains in abundance!! Happy Birthday darling girl, Mummy is so very proud of the lovely little girl you have grown into but to me, you will always be my feisty little baby who screamed her way through those first few nights and has kept me on my toes ever since!!

This month I am hoping………….

That we finally get some good news regard Ro’s job search. The past few months have been some of the toughest we’ve faced yet and it has at times been a very stressful and upsetting time for us. But one thing I know for sure is that Ro and I can get through pretty tough times and remain smiling and happy along the way. When the going gets tough, we pull together and face things head on. This month sees us married for eight years!! It feels like only yesterday that we were that young, happy, naïve (and in hindsight very blessed) couple walking down the aisle together! When I fell in love with Ro it was largely because of his strength of character and determination to look on the positive side at all times. Over the years he has (amongst many other things) helped me to look at the world through more positive eyes and I have learnt to tackle challenges head on. I have no doubt that he will shine again soon and in the meantime, we will continue to laugh in the face of adversity and enjoy what is a very happy little life together with our little ‘team Harvey’.

This month I am thankful for………………………..

1. My beautiful Georgia – a little pocket rocket who melts my heart and has made our family a happier and funnier one since she came into our lives

2. My health

3. My beautiful garden and those sunny afternoons spent in it with friends & family

4. Delicious local strawberries from Hampshire mmmmmmm

5. Generous and supportive parents

6. The extra time the girls are spending with their Dad at the moment

7. My lovely, fun and slightly crazy (you know who you are) friends

8. My fantastically comfortable bed which I never want to leave of a morning

9. My glass of cold white wine of an evening

10. My happy and healthy little family………………..

See you next month!

Last week I......

2009-03-25T11:04:00.001Z

Well I have decided to return to blogging after a whole year of abstinence. When I first started blogging I basically found it a bit therapeutic and looking back at some of my old postings, it is apparent that I needed somewhere to express my thoughts and feelings during an extremely sleep deprived period in my life. I read several blogs on a regular basis (some written by friends and some by famous people I admire etc) and I find the ideas, thoughts and general insight into people’s minds fascinating. Some people argue that blogs are unnecessary and that it is odd to want to share your inner most thoughts with the outside world and I think I agree. I have decided to write a private journal for myself and for my children to read one day (perhaps when they become mothers) and I hope they will gain some insight into what it was like to be their mother when they were growing up and to enable them to re-live memories and gain some idea about their childhood and how much I adore being their Mum.

Having said this, I also find that I have things I’d like to share with my friends and other on-line bloggers so I have decided to re-visit this blog with a slightly different focus. I will be posting as and when I feel the need and look forward to sharing my thoughts on the world around is with you. I have taken an idea and will be using the following to keep you updated on what I am thinking this week!! If you have any comments to make I’d love to hear them!!!

Last week I surfed…..

Most of my online time was spend reading and obsessing about Jade Goody and her tragic illness and subsequent death. On a human level it is a tragedy and something I personally find very sad. I’ve also been fascinated by the way the media have portrayed the story and it reached fever pitch last week. I am someone who reads all types of media usually online (from the gutters of The Sun, OK Magazine and Heat to high-brow, superiority stance of The Times). You get the tabloids obsessing with the story in a way we haven’t seen since Princess Di (I guess people in the UK are just lost and need something to focus their despair at) and then the broadsheets justify their own obsessive coverage of it by taking the clever approach of commenting on and attacking the tabloid take on the issue which enables them to feature images of Jade and her family without the guilt/shame of being associated with reporting the story itself incessantly.

Last week I watched…..

Loving Mistresses very much, especially the characters Jess and Trudie. Love the girlieness of the programme and think the acting is pretty solid too, kind of a British ‘Sex and the City’ really. It has also got me started on a near obsession with the actor who plays Richard, Patrick Baladi. I just love him and I’m not sure why?! Also enjoyed Greys Anatomy (although the storyline has gone a bit mad this last two weeks!!) and watching 24 with my husband (who so wants to be Jack Bauer) is a highlight of my TV viewing week.

Last week I read….

Oh dear, not much it must be said!! OK magazine and its tribute to Jade I am ashamed to say!! Must do better this week!!

Last week I listened to……

Again, poor performance this week and I have decided to improve. I must listen to something other than High School Musical songs!! Since having the kids my love of music has been neglected for too long!! Am loving Lily Allen’s new album though, thinking her lyrics are very insightful and clever.

These are a few of my favourite things....in no particular order

2008-04-28T15:47:00.003Z

1. The Apprentice - Love it, love it LOVE it
2. 'Aussie Mega' 3 minute miracle conditioning treatment - it really is a miracle
3. Jo Malone candles - heaven
4. ELC's new summer catalogue - so many things to choose
5. Sunshine - nuf said
6. A good chick lit book - escapism
7. Strawberries - a healthy treat
8. My new foot scrub - who knew?!
9. Katie and Peter-the next chapter - ok I'm sad
10. The sound of my girls laughing together - priceless!

Human nature

2008-03-08T09:15:00.000Z

Is a funny thing..............

Motherhood

2008-03-02T15:47:00.002Z

Well here we are on Mothers day 2008. My thoughts are very mixed today. Having decided we'd like to have a baby in late 2003, we soon discovered we were expecting a baby without even really trying and so we began our journey toward parenthood. With our naive blinkers on we were that couple who said having a baby wouldn't stop us having a social life, baby would have to fit in etc etc. Then on June 13th 2004 our lives changed forever. I became a mother nearly four years ago and I think you join a secret club on that day that only other mothers would know. You feel love deeper than you've ever felt it before. You feel fear and worry on a scale you could never imagined before. You see the world through different eyes and the world suddenly becomes a bigger and scarier place when you have a little person relying on you for everything.

On December 2006 a second little miracle came into our lives and I became a mother for the second time. Once again life changed forever and I felt love on a scale I never thought possible. Like all mothers I cannot ever describe in words how much I love my girls. They are my lifeblood and my feelings for them scare me sometimes. The joy they have brought to our lives is beyond description and the love I feel in my bursting heart is overwhelming.

On a day like today I think of my own mother with a renewed sense of admiration. I am always battling with myself over my abilities as a mother, demanding more of myself all the time and sometimes giving myself an unfair ear bashing to be a better one. I want so much to be the best I can be at this job so that I can look back one day and honestly say to myself that I could have done no more. I want my girls to know that I was always there for them, putting them first and being a role model they can be proud of.

I think today of friends who no longer have their mothers and of those poor babies I know who tragically lost their Mummy too soon and I feel eternally grateful for my own blessings. Life is short and if you let it, life will race away from you at a hundred miles an hour.

Today I dedicate this to all those remarkable women who are member of this unique club and I say cheers ladies, you are truly fab!!!!

Blast from the past

2008-01-21T21:42:00.000Z

Well I have finally done it, I have become the latest sad git to become obsessed with facebook! I had heard about it but had no interest and then suddenly decided to take a look and hey presto, I am hooked!! I think it is a terrible time waster but I have already gotten in touch with several really old friends who I thought I would never speak to or see again. In life, especially in your early 20's, you meet so many people through work and stuff and some come and go from your life without a second thought.

I've decided though that there are some people who I've met who I have often thought about from time to time and have been a bit sad that we lost contact. I have wished I knew how they were, what was happening in their lives and stuff and I can't believe that since I logged onto facebook a I am back in touch with some of them. One such friend and I were really good friends and saw lots of each other when I lived in London and then hey presto, seven years go by and we haven't exchanged so much as an email!! Thanks to facebook we plan on meeting up soon for a glass of wine and a natter so perhaps its not such a time waster after all!

It is a bit scary though as speaking to these people from my past makes me realise just how much I have changed and grown and also, how fast life is flashing by. It's weird.

So anyway, here's to friendship old and new and all the memories that brings.

I can't get no sleep..........

2008-01-08T15:28:00.001Z

Sleep is a rare commodity in our house these days. Georgia it has to be said is a ‘problem sleeper’ and although she just turned one, she still wakes up regularly in the night which at times gets very depressing but on the whole I can’t complain too much. A friend mentioned that I haven’t spoken so much about Georgia on my blog so I thought I’d share a few thoughts.

With the second child, we have been a bit more relaxed in general. Georgia is a lovely, happy little girl with a real glint in her eye. She gets more beautiful every day – her hair is growing longer and she has the most incredible eyes I ever saw. She is also a funny little character with a sense of humour and a cheekiness which is both adorable and a little bit exhausting at the same time. She is a feisty little thing when she wants to be and has such a strong sense of what she wants that it makes Olivia seem mild mannered in comparison. I try not to compare my girls because they are very much two individuals but in many ways they are like peas in a pod.

Having just reached her first birthday and having just started walking, Georgia’s personality is really starting to emerge in full force and I am starting to see what sort of little girl she will become. She is very sharp, adventurous and funny and is much more affectionate that Olivia was at the same age. She loves kisses and cuddles and is such an amusing little thing - she cracks me up.

Everyone says that the love you feel for your children is impossible to describe. I’d have to agree. There are no words for the way I feel about my girls and I am learning that as a parent of more than one child, you develop a very unique bond with them individually. I am trying to enjoy special time with them both and ensure that I spread myself equally between them but it is hard to juggle sometimes.

As a parent, you have to just find your own path and there are no right or wrong ways to do it. I don’t always get it right but I do my best and my girls are happy and healthy and above all they are loved more than anything!!

The Birthday girl

2007-12-14T22:47:00.001Z

What a difference a year makes!

2007-12-14T22:38:00.000Z

Well today my baby turned one! One year ago today I gave birth to my little treasure and somehow we've survived it and here we are a year later......happy, healthy and excited to spend our first proper Christmas together as a family of four.

This time last year it seemed like life would never return to normal and yet just a year on, we cannot (and don't want to) remember life before Georgia joined our little family!

To mark her special day Georgia decided to take her very first steps too which was a real thrill.

It doesn't get much better than today!

Tis the season to be jolly......

2007-12-06T21:33:00.000Z

So Christmas is creeping ever closer and I am left wondering where on earth did this year go?

In many ways it has been my best year yet - of course we welcomed our second beautiful baby a year ago next week (surreal) and on top of that, I feel that I have exercised some demons and am truly a happier and more content person than I've ever been. I found with the birth of Georgia came a huge amount of stress and guilt over Olivia and the effect it had on her.

This time last year, nine months pregnant and fed up, I was riddled with self doubt and I couldn't imagine in a million years being able to cope with two kids and I also couldn't imagine ever loving another human being the way I love Olivia. To my relief both were unfounded concerns. I recently watched a documentary on tv about post natal depression and it really struck a cord. I suffered with pre and post natal depression when I had Olivia and although didn't suffer the same when I had Georgia, it would be safe to say that in the early weeks I was in a state of despair at times and just didn't believe I could do it. If only I could have looked into the future and seen what I have today, it would have been so much easier. But then having said that, you only truly appreciate the good when you've experienced the bad.

My two girls are such a joy to me. Watching them fall in love with each other this year has been truly amazing. I am so proud of Olivia and how well she coped and adapted to having a new baby blow her little world apart. I am so in awe of Georgia and how happy she is almost all the time, even though she has spent more time being unwell than being healthy this year. It really has been a roller coaster and I can definitely hand on heart say, I never want to do it again! But the biggest revelation to me is how much I love them both - so much and so equally.

I enter this festive season a very happy lady. We have a lovely new home which is more than I could ever have hoped for, a fantastic husband who is still my best friend (despite the two kids, neurotic wife, lack of sleep and almost no sex life that he's endured this year ha!) and of course my little beauties. I am so looking forward to seeing their little faces on Christmas day and enjoying our first proper family Christmas together as a family of four. So I guess it really is the season to be jolly!!!

Things I'm loving at the moment

2007-11-14T21:15:00.000Z

1. Channel 4's 'How to look good naked' (I just LOVE Gok Wan)
2. The return of Wispa bars
3. I'm a celebrity...... (tragic I know)
4. Grazia magazine (still)
5. Entourage DVD season 3 (absolute genius)
6. Jeremy Piven (see above)
7. The Virgin wine club
8. Clothes shopping online (highly dangerous)
9. www.weightlossresources.co.uk (at least the intention is there)
10. Olivia's belief in father christmas (adorable)

Balancing act

2007-11-09T09:13:00.000Z

Long time no post, no excuses really just been soooo manic lately and I never seem to have enough energy, time or inspiration to post a new message.

Life is whizzing by at the moment - since early October I returned to work (part-time, 2 1/2 days per week) and ever since I am in a perpetual state of exhaustion. Now don't get me wrong, I actually love getting out of the house and mixing with the outside world again (you know, inane conversations about x factor vs strictly come dancing, did the mccanns do it?!, price of fuel et etc) and it has been good for me on the whole.

I have discovered that I still have my drive and enthusiasm for working and perhaps I am not cut out for full time, stay at home motherhood (which btw I have resigned myself to and feel no guilt about at last). Returning to work has been fraught with challenges, not least getting my two girls up, dressed, fed and out of the house by 8am (the best I've managed so far is 8.13am ha) and dropping them off at pre-school and nursery respectively (guilt guilt guilt). Then there is the problem that now we are both working we are so tired can't be arsed to cook and so the takeaways have increased (along with my waistline) and more than ever we are ships that pass in the night (which by the way still involve being woken by baby Georgia regularly arghhhhh).

The year is coming to a close soon and my beautiful baby turns 1 in just 5 weeks!!! Olivia is nearly 3 1/2 and is so clever and grown up all of a sudden and I am back at work, using my brain and finding a little bit of the old me again. Having had two babies in the past 3 years, motherhood and all it entails has consumed me really and I do think you loose a little bit of yourself to the task. I've just started to emerge it seems, and I feel happy and content with life in general. It is actually quite liberating to rediscover my passion for things I used to enjoy and have neglected a little since the girls came along (in no particular order): -

1. Sex (occasionally)
2. Reading biographies and girlie novels
3. Music
4. Travel
5. Eating out
6. Cooking
7. Girlie nights out
8. Entourague (absolutely the best tv programme on at the moment)
9. Reconnecting with some of my old friends
10. LIFE!!!!

So it feels like I am entering a new phase in life which requires a constant juggling act - I think I am doing an OK job and at times feel like I am failing everyone still but it has to be said.....
You've come a long way baby!

New beginnings

2007-09-09T20:52:00.000Z

Well this will be my last post for a couple of weeks as we are about to move house and therefore won't have internet access for a few days.

So we have been madly packing our belongings into boxes and discovering all sorts of weird and wonderful things that we forgot we had in the loft/back if the wardrobe etc. Moving house forces you to have a good old clear out and it feels good to have got rid of a load of unwanted stuff and cleared out the closet so to speak.

If feels like a fresh start and I have a few commandments I plan on trying to follow in our new home so here goes:-

1. Thou will not collect drawers full of "stuff" that serve no purpose and have no obvious home in a family house
2. Thou will not collect over 50 pairs of shoes hidden in the cupboard under the stairs that are never worn!
3. Thou will not leave the packing until the last minute next time
4. Thou will exercise at least three times a week and finally start loosing some weight
5. Thou will eat her 5 a day, every day
6. Thou will drink a litre of water every day
7. Thou will limit the amount of tv her toddler is allowed to view each day and stop using it as a babysitter
8. Thou will wear some of the clothes she forgot she had and stop buying more!
9. Thou will learn to limit her alcohol intake to prevent hangovers ruining her weekends!
10. Thou will try to relax a little, enjoy the small things in life and live for the moment, each and every day!

Well the intentions are there at least..........

Manic!

2007-09-04T19:37:00.000Z

Short post today as life is HECTIC at the moment! We move house this time next week so lots to do to get ready and very little time arghhhh!

Also need to sort out Olivia's school application (I cannot believe she starts school this time next year and that we have to apply for her place in our local school already). Her local school is over subscribed so I am currently having to research alternative options and ensure we get her into somewhere we feel confident about and it is pretty stressful to be honest.

Then on top of all that Georgia starts her nursery in a few weeks and that is filling me with fear and dread - I can't imagine leaving my little baby with strangers and I get a little bit hysterical about it when I think too much BUT I've done it before and I know she will love it and I will feel more balanced and rounded when I get back to work 2 days per week.

Busy times eh........

Oh by the way

2007-08-30T07:40:00.000Z

I just managed to dance to "The Fairies" (a camp children's programme where they sing and dance about to cheesy Grease rip off songs), dealt with Georgia being stuck under the DVD player, made the beds, found some toys that Olivia wants to play with and drink my luke warm tea and get myself some crunchy nut cornflakes - all in the space of half an hour!

Urghhhhh

2007-08-30T07:05:00.000Z

It is 8.05am, I have been awake since 5.07am (Georgia hit her head on the side of the cot and then decided she would like her milk!), To be fair, hubby fed her in the end and got up as he is going to Warrington today for work!! So I managed to her back to sleep until 6.30am when Georgia got up and then Olivia woke at 7.15am so we have just come downstairs for breakfast etc and then the day begins in earnest.

Every single day, without fail, I am knackered!! I feel like I could go back to bed until noon and sleep like a baby but never get the chance. I cannot remember the last time I woke up naturally, feeling wide awake and raring to go?!!

It is now 8.09am and it will no doubt be 10am before I am dressed and feeling a bit more awake and human. Until then I'll feed the kids, clear up, get them dressed and mong about in a bit of a grump - urghhhh.

Now for a little fantasy - my doorbell rings and David Beckham is standing there and in his hand is a freshly brewed skinny latte and a bacon roll and a copy of the new Grazia magazine. He brings in a nanny to entertain the kids and then sends me back up to bed .........and you know what? Right now, I'd prefer the bacon sarnie, coffee,magazine and some peace and quiet!!!

2007-08-28T21:56:00.000Z

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rolymo/1240843175/

Time flies when you're having fun

2007-08-28T21:18:00.000Z

So today was a good day. Since Georgia was born in December 06 I have been enjoying some quality time with her each week whilst my eldest is at pre-school. The time to return to work is fast approaching and I am starting to feel some panic and distress at the the thought of leaving Georgia after being with her 24 x 7 for the past nine months (and the nine months before that when she was living inside me!).

Now it must be noted that at first, I wouldn't say I did particularly enjoy Georgia in the way that I do now. By that I mean the newborn stage (to me at least) is tough tough tough and with Georgia's health woes and feeding problems, most of the early days went by in a blur and I didn't take the time to enjoy those magic moments enough. Top that off with an immense amount of guilt that I felt about bringing another child into our home and therefore giving Olivia less time and attention as a result, I really did put myself through an emotional roller coaster in those early weeks. If I look back now, I was tearing myself apart with guilt, worry and self doubt and felt like I was failing everyone including myself! If only I could have seen into the future..........

As a mother I do put myself under incredible pressure to be perfect and I am aware that it is not a healthy trait of mine. I know I do a bloody good job and I know this because I have two of the happiest children I know and for that I am incredibly proud and grateful. I took a walk today with Georgia in the pram, just the two of us, and the sun was shining and I loved it!! She was cooing at the sight of trees, clouds and all sorts (honestly, the sound of those little "oooooohhhhhhs" will stay with me forever) and it took me back to the days I spent doing the same with Olivia and I felt very emotional and reflective.

We don't plan on expanding our brood any further btw and so these days spent with my babies are the most precious of my life. I am watching Olivia grow into a lovely little girl and I know I'll blink and Georgia too will be walking, talking and having tantrums so I plan on making the most of every precious minute between now and when I go back to work.

We are starting a new chapter with a new home soon and I feel really great about our life. I'm sooo in love with my girls it hurts and I am still very much in love with my hubby too (which after 11 years and 2 kids can't be bad) and I am happier than I can ever remember in years.

Wonderwoman!

2007-08-12T19:14:00.000Z

My day today:-

12 Midnight - woken by 3 year old screaming for her Daddy who has been away on business
4am - woken by 7 month old baby screaming with pain from cutting her first tooth
6.30am - woken by said 7 month old who was babbling in her cot and wanting company
7.30am - 3 year old wakes so we all head downstairs
8.30am - feed both kids, clean up after both kids
9am - change nappy, feed milk to baby, put baby to bed for her nap
9.15am - dress 3 year old and play
10am - clean kitchen, wash baby bottles and pack bags ready to go out
10.30am - shower, dress and get ready to leave
11am - wake baby, change nappy and get her dressed
11.30am - hand baby over to my Mum who is looking after her for a few hours along with 2 bags and a plethora of baby paraphernalia
12.30 - attend birthday party with 3 year old = mess, mayhem and madness
4pm - collect baby from my Mum
5pm - get home, feed both kids, clean up both kids, deal with whingy baby and whining toddler - both overtired
6pm - clean up kitchen, unpack bags from today
6.30pm - bath both kids, deal with tantrum, feed baby her milk
7pm - put baby to bed, cuddle toddler and watch 'Maggie and the Ferocious Beast'
7.15pm - put toddler to bed, read story (twice!), lots of cuddles, lullaby's, and comfort her when she cries again for Daddy
7.45p - finally say goodnight
7.50pm - pour a glass of wine, sit down and watch big brother
8pm - wait for it all to start again........

PHEW

Ups and downs

2007-08-10T19:14:00.000Z

So today was a nice day. Roland took the day off work as he flies to the US tomorrow for a business trip therefore he spent most of the day keeping the girls happy and giving me a bit of a break. Girls are fab and life is good. As for the house buying process, it sucks! Lots of stress and hassle at the last minute but fingers crossed we will still exchange next week and proceed - if not, it obviously wasn't meant to be?!

I have been strangely obsessed with the Madeline McCann investigation this week and the recent media coverage and developments. Having a daughter of a similar age, I have been a little too interested in the case since it happened but recently had managed to move on and not think about it too much. From the first days since she went missing, I have had an uneasy feeling about the theory that she was just taken from her bed, apparently 50 yards away from her parents and no-one heard or saw anything????? I have a 3 year old and believe me, if someone was taking her away from her bed who she had never met she would scream the bloody place down!! How someone could have taken Madeline alive with no noise, screaming or waking her siblings I just don't buy it. That means two things to me, either someone harmed her in the apartment and took her out either unconscious or (God forbid) dead OR there is something fishy about her family's involvement in all this.

As a parent I can only tell you that I would not be able to function, barely breathe, if the scenario that faced the McCanns happened to us. I definitely don't think I would have the strength to walk about and talk to the media the way her parents appeared to. Their reaction to is all seemed very peculiar to me at the time but I, like most, was in awe of their strength and courage and their blind faith that she was OK.

I choose to believe that they are not involved and hope and pray that she was taken and is alive and well. BUT, in my heart, I just do not believe she was simply kidnapped from her bed. I think someone has harmed her and that she is no longer with us and that truly breaks my heart. I hope I am wrong and I hope that there is an answer and end to this nightmare soon.

In the meantime, I will continue to be an unapologetic paranoid mother who never lets her children out of her sight when out and about.

When I check the girls before I go to bed, and smell their smell and listen to their heavy, snuffly breathing, I thank God that they are safe and well and I spare a thought for that little girl every night.

Urrgghhhh

2007-07-21T19:43:00.000Z

So it's been a little while since I last posted because we have been over-run by illness in the Harvey household lately. Firstly Olivia had a bug which to cut it short basically meant sleepless nights and me changing bedding and clearing up vomit in the middle of the night, several nights in a row.

She has since recovered and is back to full health thank goodness but I then came down with either the same bug or food poisoning last weekend and have been sick as a dog ever since. Seriously, at one point I did even think I'd prefer childbirth to the stomach pains and all over aches and chills I was experiencing - it was THAT bad.

Anyway, today I feel much better and almost back to normal so onwards and upwards.

Sunny days and bug free for the rest of the summer now please!!!!

Good day

2007-07-08T19:35:00.000Z

Today was a good day. Olivia stayed over at my Mum's Saturday night which gave us the opportunity for a quiet, chilled out morning and darling hubby gave me a monster lie in which was bliss!!

Not much else to report - watch LiveEarth last night and thought it was pretty shite really (with the exception of the Foo Fighters who rocked it) and whilst I bow down to Madonna for looking so incredible at her age and after two kids I must say her guitar strumming was embarrassing and somewhat like watching your Mum trying to be cool doing Karaoke! Oh and not to mention the Michael Jackson esque performance of a heal the world type song - even dragging out singing kids and everything - sad and proof that Madonna has lost the plot and all her credibility in my view.

The girls were fab today and I am one lucky lady to have such well behaved children. Olivia is amazing me every day with how grown up and mature she is becoming and it makes me quite emotional at times to think how big my little baby has grown (she did let the side down a bit though by biting her friend when on a play date today - mortified!).

I'll never learn

2007-07-07T09:07:00.000Z

At 33 years old, you'd think I may have learnt my lesson regarding hangovers but no, yet again I am sitting here with a stinking headache and feeling rotten all because I had a few (seriously only 4) glasses of wine with friends last night.

I've decided that I am such a lightweight it is tragic - what happened to the girl who could down several vodka and redbull of an evening and get up and go to work the following morning like nothing had happened???!!!!

I miss that girl - I really do.

Brighter today

2007-07-06T13:08:00.000Z

In more ways than one! The sun has made an appearance today (albeit briefly) and although windy and overcast the rain has eased off at last!! Long may it continue.

I'm feeling pretty good today too, kids just gone to sleep after their lunch (phew) and so I am having a precious hour of peace and quiet until they wake up. I had a decent nights sleep last night too which has a major impact on my mood today i.e. I'm not a misery guts.

This evening I'm off out for dinner and a few glasses of vino with my girl mates so can't complain about much today.

A bit flat

2007-07-04T20:49:00.000Z

Feeling a bit fed up this evening, I think it is the rain (relentless and depressing) and the constant feeling of being tired (i.e. the last six months of living on no sleep and adrenalin are catching me up) and the constant feeling that I am not being a good enough Mum.

I know I know, I am only human and I do my best. I know I know, she is a remarkable little girl who is polite, well behaved, intelligent, funny, caring, loving and independent so we must be doing something right but.........tonight, she seemed just so unhappy and emotional and it makes me sad to see her like that.

She is 3 years old but she is still my baby really. I had to pop to the supermarket at bedtime so her Daddy was in charge of bed time story, cuddles and lights out tonight. When I got back he said she had cried herself to sleep asking for Mummy. She then woke up an hour later really upset and emotional (not a tantrum or trying it on honest - after all I am pretty expert in both these days) and I couldn't get her to tell me what was bothering her! So of course, being a woman and a mother, I decide it must be something I am NOT doing and therefore it is my fault that she is so upset. I know intellectually that she is just probably overtired and having a bad day but in my heart, I just want her to be happy always and I cannot bear to see her sad or troubled in any way.

You see only a mother will know what I mean when I say her pain is my pain - simple as. If I can do anything to make her life a little bit easier or happier I have a primal need to do it. When I don't have the answers I get a bit stumped.

So I think I am in for a rocky ride over the next 20 or so years as we are bringing up two beautiful, emotional and sometimes dramatic girls who wear their heart on their sleeve just like their mother. So every time they feel sad, hurt, disappointed or just simply fed up (which in life unfortunately will be often) I will feel every emotion too so I guess I'd better get used to it!!!

Motherhood eh - whoever said it was easy was a bloody liar!

Phew

2007-07-03T08:45:00.000Z

So got Olivia up, dressed, fed and off to pre-school all by ten to nine today, not bad really but a bit rushed and poor Georgia had to wait til we got back for her breakfast - so there is much room for improvement!!

The secret is to get up earlier than the girls and get myself ready first but I never do - just cannot bring myself to wake up until the last minute and then rush around stressed and stroppy - bad bad person I am. So my new plan is to get up at 7am and get dressed before Olivia gets up - at least my intentions are good.

So today's plan - waxing first (ouch), then on to west quay shopping and then home to collect Olivia - pretty easy life really it has to be said!!

Bye for now

Things I'm loving

2007-07-02T19:21:00.000Z

I'm Loving
1. Watching Glastonbury on TV - as opposed to in the mud (been there, done that)
2. Amy Winehouse 'Back to Black' - genius
3. Perezhilton.com - my daily fix
4. Grazia magazine - my indulgent treat
5. Rose wine - must be getting old
6. Katie and Peter - sorry I just do
7. Greys Anatomy - cliché but I love McSteamy and McDreamy in equal measure
8. Sleep - because I don't get enough!!
9. Ocodo - Waitrose to your door, fantastic!
10. My beautiful girls - say no more.........

I'm NOT loving
1. Gordon Brown
2. Big Brother - sadly it has come to a natural end in my opinion
3. Hangovers - will I ever learn?!
4. Kate Moss and Pete Cockerty - I could give you a thousand reasons
5. Early mornings - I need more sleep!!!
6. Rain - go away now for goodness sake
7. Bored toddler in the house when its raining
8. Paris Hilton - say no more
9. Diets - cause I never stick to them
10. Stamp duty - a complete con

Long time no see

2007-07-02T18:56:00.001Z

Well here I am, back again only a year and a bit later!! So much has happened in the time since I last posted a message and I don't have time now to tell you all about it. Suffice it to say it includes the following:-

1. Second pregnancy
2. Birth
3. New baby (now six months old, name is Georgia Rose)
4. Sleepless nights!!!!

So a quick update is that Olivia is now 3 years old and thriving and is also a big sister to Georgia. I am currently on maternity leave and enjoying some quality time with Georgia before I return in October. Roland is well and family life is chaotic and hectic as ever but I wouldn't change a single thing (well ok, I would get more sleep if I was able to).

Lovely day.....

2006-04-21T19:52:00.000Z

Great day today. Olivia in a great mood, Mummy in a good one, not too many tantrums (from either of us ha!) and lots of fresh air and fun! Its days like today when I feel like life couldn't get much better - except perhaps if I was able so see my husband a bit more often! Talking of which, he's out having a well earned beer with the lads and I'm sitting at home watching trash tv without shame - bliss!!

Long time no posting.........

2006-04-18T20:31:00.000Z

Well I started my blog with the best intentions, honestly I did, and then got distracted with one thing and another (I'll come to that in a minute) and here we are, two months later, with no posts or updates from me.

So where have I been? Well I had a nasty sinus operation in February (which suffice it to say was grim grim grim) and since recovering from that, I've had a sick child on and off (cold, followed by mouth infection, followed by yet another cold arghhhh) and so my blogging kind of lost focus.

Anyway, I'm back on track. So life in our house has been a little challenging with illnesses and other stuff, but we are all happy and enjoying the sunshine finally making an appearance and the obvious delights of spring.

Olivia is becoming such a handful as she fast approaches her second birthday (eight weeks and counting) but I wouldn't have her any other way. Every day I look at her and cannot believe she is ours - she is so beautiful and full of life and innocence. She has developed a fiercely independent streak and struggles to control her temper (cannot imagine who she is like?!). She is talking in small sentences and is very clear about what she wants, likes and particularly what she doesn't like!!! Although at times (specifically when she decides to throw a strop in the supermarket or run off screaming into a carpark ignoring her mothers terrified screams to stop in the background!) I could quite happily give her away to charity (joke), Olivia constantly amazes me with her limitless energy, her zest for life and she makes me laugh out loud every day. Soppy I know, but I fall more in love with her every single day and my main aim in life if to protect her and make her as happy as possible for as long as I can breathe.

Not much to report.....

2006-02-28T15:12:00.000Z

Its Tuesday 3pm and I’m sitting at my desk at work. Not much to report so far this week and to be honest, I’m lacking inspiration today.

Olivia is as lovely and funny as ever, she has started talking in mini sentences now and is providing us with endless amusement. I can’t believe how fast she has become a little individual person, with the opinions, attitude and personality to match! She is a feisty little thing (can’t imagine where she gets it from?!) but at the same time she is turning into a lovely character and I couldn’t be prouder! Her new obsession is with Noddy and I for one am very happy about it because when he is on TV, she is absolutely mesmerised which in turn gives me a fifteen minute window of peace (I know, bad mother). Anyway, gotta dash, work to do……

Thank God its Friday!!!!

2006-02-24T11:59:00.000Z

Well here we are, fast approaching the weekend and I for one cannot wait. As weeks go, this one has been a pretty good one all round. Olivia is still not sleeping well and waking up really early too which is particularly hard but I seem to be coping OK.

Speaking of monkey, she has just gone to bed for her lunchtime nap and so I have some peace for an hour (or 2 if I am really lucky!) after a packed morning. We were up by 6.15am today (arghhhh) and were out of the house and at our singing group by 9.30am (Mumbaba is the name). Basically its a load of babies and toddlers singing and dancing to nursery rhymes for an hour whilst their Mums sing along - its exactly like the scene from 'About a Boy' starring Hugh Grant actually but without the added bonus of Hugh Grant to swoon over.

Anyway, whilst there I had the scariest moment of my life so far and I am still stressed now two hours later. So picture the scene, the singing is finished and its time for kiddies to have their drink and biscuit (and Mums to have their coffee) and the kids are all running about and playing with toys etc etc. I am chatting to my friend and have always got one eye on Livvy, who is madly running all over the place, and I look up and cannot see her?!. I immediately panic inside but keep cool, casually searching the room for her. As the seconds tick by I realise she isn't in the room and my casual, cool and calm approach turns to blind panic, so I run out of the room, diving down the sairs (convinced she has been abducted by a peado or run over by a car) and I am shouting now whilst people look at me like I am insane and then I hear her calling me from upstairs.....I run up and there she is standing there saying "mummy here"!!!

It turns out she escaped from the room in a split second when I took my eye off her and she was hiding in another adjacent room so there it is, lesson learnt. You can NEVER take your eye off a toddler, especially my outgoing, adventerous and cheeky one, for even a second. The world we live is scares me and my absolute terror this morning for those few minutes is something I don't want to ever experience again. I had palpitations, shakes, I felt sick and my head just spun (note to self, you are not good in a crisis Emma!!!!) so I am truly thankful today that my beautiful girl is OK and tucked up in bed down the hallway - not everyone is as lucky I appreciate and today I have a just fraction more empathy with parents who aren't able to the tale with a happy ending.

No rest for the wicked....

2006-02-22T12:09:00.000Z

Well what a night we had last night! Monkey was really unsettled and woke on and off all night long, even with copious amounts of drugs on board (calpol, medised and nurofen). Nothing can prepare you for the broken nights which become an integral part of parenthood. Ro and I have been very lucky with Olivia it has to be said, she slept through for the first time at six weeks old and has always enjoyed her bed and her sleep (like mother like daughter!!) but recently it has been a different story. She seems to wake up right on cue, just as I’ve started to drift off to sleep and then on and off again all night, crying, moaning and asking to come into our bed. In the middle of the night, it really does feel like some cruel sort of torture.

Poor little thing is so distressed though so I am putting all this down to teething as all the signs indicate that is the problem but really, to be honest, I’ve come to the conclusion that being a parent means having broken nights on a regular basis and so we’ll have to just live with it (huff). So at 31 years old I feel and look like a 60 year old today, at work, trying to stifle the yawns in my numerous meetings. Roll on 1.30pm though when I finish for the week – then the rest of my week is all about Olivia and I can’t wait - but please please please child let me have some sleep tonight!!!!!!!!

Bored bored bored.....

2006-02-21T15:30:00.000Z

So its 3.15pm and I am sat at my desk at work bored bored bored. My career has always been a weird contradiction for me. Since I left university I have basically spent the past ten years working my way up the ladder, working for some vile people (mainly women I have to sadly admit) and building what many would consider a successful career in marketing. Even BB (before baby) I would say that I haven’t ever felt like I really found my true vocation in life and my work was never as fulfilling and enjoyable as I would hope.

Since my baby came along, the feelings I have for my professional life have changed from disappointment to indifference and I wonder if that will ever change? I have to admit that I enjoy getting dressed up and being ‘me’ again at work and as much as I miss my Livvy all day, I do enjoy a little break from being ‘Mummy’ and of course I enjoy earning my own money too. However, if I am to spend these hours away from my daughter then surely it should be doing something that fulfils me and enriches my life?! So after years of feeling like I fell into the wrong career, I’ve decided to start spending some serious time and effort thinking about what alternatives are out there for me.

Oh what a beautiful morning.....

2006-02-21T10:44:00.000Z

Tuesday morning, 10am, and I am sitting here at my desk at work again looking out the window and daydreaming.

This morning was another hectic one in our house, my second working day of the week began with the standard wake up call from Olivia at 6.45am (its too early!!!). Lucky for me Daddy is working from home today and so was at home this morning and in charge of the monkey whilst I get ready for work in peace (or at least that was the theory). But alas, it seems on my working days Olivia wants to be glued to me and won’t let me out of her sight (even the mention that I need to get into the shower caused a screaming fit and her trying to break in and join me!). So anyway, I did manage to prize myself away for long enough to actually shower and wash my hair alone and without interruption (a very very rare treat in for Mummy).

So all refreshed and showered I come back into the bedroom to find Daddy wrestling to control his child (she is 2ft and weighs approx 1.5 stone and he is 6ft 2inches and weighs approx 15 stone so work that one out!) his hand covered in her poo and he’s retching - utter chaos, I can’t leave those two alone for a minute!! Anyway, Mummy steps in to relive Daddy (who runs to wash his hands before he vomits) and Olivia is finally dressed and ready to leave for nursery. I give her a goodbye cuddle (guilt guilt guilt) and off they go. I can now actually use my hairdryer, put some make-up on and get dressed alone as the house is actually quiet – my fifteen minutes of me time is so precious even if it is to get ready for work.

2006-02-20T19:19:00.000Z

Monday mornings have never been my strong point, I've never liked them and never will. It all seems so unfair, the weekend has been and gone in a flash and the daily grind begins again with that alarm call on a Monday morning. Talking of alarm calls though, at 6.45am I was woken from my dream by the sound on my daughter, Olivia, chatting with her bedtime pals (Pooh bear, Tina the cat, Ike the dog and baby - all the stuffed toy variety) which it has to be said, was a wonderful noise to wake up to even on a Monday morning.

When she wakes, it usually feels like a hurricane has taken over the house. No longer am I able to mope about, drinking coffee and slowly waking up which was my usual morning BB (before baby) - with Olivia, its BANG, hello Mummy lets party from the moment she wakes!!!!! Basically, as soon as she makes herself known of a morning, you have a small window of opportunity to get to the bathroom and go downstairs to prepare her milk before she starts bellowing and calling for you to come and get her - which I did this morning in record time much to her delight. That face in the morning is enough to melt the hardest heart I tell you, she really is the cutest thing I've ever seen is my daughter. We get into my bed so she can have her daily cuddle and milk and she says with a forlawn face 'Where's daddy?' - he left at 6am this morning and is well on his way to work by now I tell her.

Anyway, my week is pretty much broken into two parts usually. Monday to Wednesday's are when I work, so this morning, within the hour, Livvy and I were up, dressed and out of the house with only one minor tantrum - she wanted to wear her lilac coat, which in the weather is neither practical or appropriate, so to save a full blown hissy fit, I let her leave the house wearing her proper winter coat underneath the lilac one so off we set, my child looking like a michellen man!!

So I drop her off at nursery (guilt guilt guilt) and set off to work. I arrive just in time to be greeted by my boss who dives on me straight away and reminds me of a meeting I need to attend for her this afternoon - good morning to you too luv!! I've been awake for over 2 hours and still not even a sip of coffee arghhhhh! I get to my desk, with my coffee, and I am knackerd already and its only 9.15am. So there we are, that is why I don't like Mondays (as Sir Bob would say).

My life is one big race against the clock on Mondays to Wednesdays and its nearly time to leave work now to collect the hurricane from nursery. Sometimes, on a Monday, I think about the days when I was a student with no responsibilities and all I worried about was booze, fags and boys and for a minute I might miss my old life. But, no matter how tired or stressed I am, I am proud to be a working Mum and I have a pretty great life all said. A long as I have my little lady to go home with - my beautiful Olivia, I can't really complain about anything at all.

I'm a blog virgin!

2006-02-20T11:42:00.000Z

Well here we go then, I've finally decided to do it and get my own blog!! I have been inspired by several friends who have really cool and interesting blogs and I enjoy reading them so much I decided to create my own.

I basically plan to use it as a diary to tell the tales of my sometimes crazy life as a busy working Mum and wife.

Here goes ....................................